i can be the biggest dumbass of all time. real talkk. looking back on my mess ups, i've always done something wrong. this most recent one, i rushed. if i only went slower, then maybe things wouldn't be as f*ed up as they are now.. she won't even look at me anymore...i tried to say hi this morning, and all i got was a look. couldn't even say hi? i mean, wth did i do? i don't wanna bring it up to her, because then she'll just think i'm complaining, or i'm being a douchebag... so i can't even talk to her maturely about this. i mean, i don't even know what the hell is going on... and if by any chance she's reading this... i'm not mad. haha. just confused... if there's anything to clear, i just wanna make sure its done. i can't even talk to you in person because for some reason, you just won't look at me...
ok i get it. i messed up. i made you feel uncomfortable.... and i apologized already. but apparently she won't look past that and talk to me like she would talk to anyone else.
it seems like no matter who i try to go for, i can never get her. same goes with this other girl... call her SC. well, she's into someone else. and after being all patient, after two years of being by her, she goes after someone else. i can't say i was really in love with anyone... but if i had been close to it at all, it would have been when we talked. i remember all the things she made me feel.... like how my throat would get all dry when we talked.... and how i'd trip over my words when we used to talk on the phone... how i would get this weird feeling in my stomach when i'd be waiting for her to answer her phone... the way how, even now, my eyes see her right when she walks into a room.... and how i always got this grin on my face when i see her smile at me....
i never even had a chance.
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